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Tag Archives: Change

Fighting Procrastinations and Setbacks

As the title suggest, I am fighting… fighting hard. However, failing miserably. This goes back to my self defeating attitude and feelings of inadequacies. I am just not motivated. I am so bogged down from everything this quarter that I am losing motivation. Fighting…Fighting hard to finish school.

What I am really saying is that I am scared… scared to succeed. This happens every time I am close to achieving my goals… I get so scared that I self-sabotage. Why do I do this to myself? Why am I afraid of success? How can I change this behavior?

This behavior has prevented me from truly reaching my potential, from committing to meaningful projects, and from my goals. I say NO MORE!! I am fighting to keep it together and to fight pass this lack of “motivation.” Really look my fear in the face and say, you don’t win, I do.

I missed my Wednesday deadline of constantly writing… but I still manage to write before the end of the week…. baby steps. I need to continue to write something, anything, to stay writing and motivated. The thesis writing is not coming along and I am getting frustrated with myself about it. I need to stop thinking about it and just write. I need to organized this focus group and just write. I can do this. I just need to stay focus and strong. And completely kick fear’s ass!  Next week, final interview. Goals for this weekend: 1) review interview questions 2) review thesis statement 3) complete a writing schedule for thesis

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Posted by on February 5, 2016 in Grad School, Thesis Building, Writing

 

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It has been a long time…

Hey everybody! Sorry that it has been a long time! I was super busy with school, work, and my personal life. I just wrapped up the summer session on 9/2/14 (precisely this morning a 2:30 am). The fall quarter starts on 9/22/14, so I have a little break… Sorta. Remember that annoying perquisites I needed to take before the financial art accounting course, well I just started that today(9/3/14). I just hope I can get through this class, I am not great at math, but we’ll see.

Anyhoo, I have officially completed one year of grad school!!! Omg!! Yay me!! Now on to the hard parts, thesis. About two weeks ago I had a “pre-advising” session with one of the advisors and the professor for my seminar class this fall. I informed him of my topic and he was delighted and encourage me to pre-research prior to class. This was a huge ego boost and I definitely feel that I have grown since starting this program. I will do a separate post on my thesis process and topic later. Trying to focus on starting this class, accounting. I am going to try to do better with updates and topics for this blog. I just want to Thank you guys for your continued support!!! Good luck!

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2014 in Grad School, Thesis Building, Writing

 

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And the struggle still continues…

This has been a very difficult semester. It has been a combination of a lot of things… Some procrastination and excuses included. I am just struggling to stay focused and energized. Hopefully, I can get this accounting perquisites out the way this summer but I am thinking about taking it in the fall. I feel like I need a break and my fall is super busy… Three classes…. In grad life that hard, in my fulltime and part-time working  life that’s insane!!!! I just need to get it together. I am just in a weird place; where I want to change jobs, where I want to do adult things like buy a house, and where I just want to not struggle internally anymore. I feel like I just want to either quiet this fire in myself or release it and not be afraid of it. I feel like I have so much built up in me that I just want to release it. A former coworker once said to me you should write a book. I often go back and cringe at my response to this notion… “Who would read my story”…. I always do this, self-doubt. It’s one of the things I struggle with along with procrastination. But maybe I will write a book or books about my life and views as an art administrator (in training) of color. I need to proclaim my right to be heard and recognize my own power to inspire change and hope!  One of my guilty pleasure movies that give me a “pick me up” and courage to push through things as well as motivation,  is Legally Blonde… I know, shocking. This movie is ridiculously awesome and hilarious… Yet it inspires me to be and do better.The fact that she has the confidence to say ” I don’t need a back up, I’m going to Harvard ” makes me want to have that confidence and assurance that, yes I am the shit!!! And will accomplish what I want. I love this movie for its feministic views and the promotion of staying true to yourself. However, this film is “interesting”  in the continuing conversation of black feminism and people of color in higher education… But that is another discussion and post. Although I love this movie, I still have issues with it. But like the world everything has its flaws. Just venting and perhaps procrastinating… 🙂

 
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Posted by on May 9, 2014 in Black Females, Grad School, Writing

 

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OH WOW!!! It’s 2014!!

WOW!!! It’s 2014!!! Back to the Future II was based on Marty returning to 2015…. CRAZY!!! One more year and still no flying cars, no trash powered vehicles, or hover boards!!!!! But we still have one more year! so let’s see what happens..

Classes for winter semester starts on 1/6/14. Super excited and terrified at the same time. I just received an email from my professor of one class, which included the syllabus. I have a lot of reading to do! This is why I wanted to write this post because it will probably be a long time before my next one. This year, I plan to make changes both internally and externally. Time to stop being so negative and pessimistic. I am not going to go into detail on my transformation but… this is my year! 🙂

As was discussed in November 2013, black feminism and self-confidence are topics that I would like to explore this year. I think that art evoke and inspired these topics. I think there is a debate brewing; however, no one is ready to explore it. I will attempt to get the conversation started.

This is an introduction to these topics. I will also try to find the interconnections to art as well as tackle the taboo subjects these topics. I guess this also another commentary of my feelings on, what is art? and how art is deemed art? This new segment will embark on the perception of art. Last semester in my overview class, we discussion art perception and how that affects funding for the arts. In this segment, I want to explore art and its effect on society. Thus, hopefully, connecting the above topics of black feminism and self-confidence and art… we will see.

In the meantime, I hope (seriously hope) that I am able to read the following books by the end of 2014. Here is my list:

Divided Sisters: Bridging the Gap Between Black Women and White Women

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment

Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America

At Knit’s End: Mediation for Women Who Knit Too Much

Curtsies and Conspiracies

I kept the reading light because of school. I plan to really read and study a lot. Who knows, with this research/readings, will, perhaps, develop my methodology and thesis. Who knows!

Why am I so interested in this topic? Why wouldn’t I be! The whole point of this blog is to explore the lack of diversity in the art world. I started this blog to detail my journey into this world that at times feels exclusives and unattainable. Although, starting my program in 2013, there was a great number of black females in my class, more than I expected, especially when I false started in 2010, there were only three (this includes me). How many will make it? Only time will tell. More importantly over three years, there was an increase in the community that this profession (art management, registrar, curators, etc) is viable and an option in the art world. However, we still have a long ways to go, only one black male in the class and this is a graduate program. Ideally, I would like high school students who are interested in art, but do not want to be creators, have the information about other position that are in this field. In hindsight, I think I am going to explore this as a thesis topic, possible book (maybe too presumptuous), of diversity in art management or diversity across the spectrum of art. Hum…

Anyhoo, what are your plans or goals for 2014? 2014!!! OMG!! Crazy… Sorry, I am an 80s baby and 90s kid; this is flipping me out that I am here in the year 2014!! Who knew! Anyhoo, good luck everyone with this year’s endeavors! I will try to write often and explore the topics above. In the meantime check out some suggested reading list on black feminism:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyford/13-must-reads-for-the-black-feminist

http://www.msnbc.com/melissa-harris-perry/the-mhp-black-feminism-syllabus

Happy New Year!!! 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 4, 2014 in Art History, Black Females, Grad School, Writing

 

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Afro-Futurist!?

Sound Cool, huh? Well it is. After reading this article, I feel like my growing feelings for the future are justified. I think I have gotten to the point where, it is much bigger than race. With that said, I don’t mean to be ignorant towards race. It’s time to embrace and re-define race. Differences is what makes use unique. Embracing different what makes us strong and change for the better. I think this movement is about moving forward, together. It a step closer to world peace, who knows maybe we will get to the star trek ideology, in which money doesn’t matter and that we do things to advance or better humanity. Who knows? But I know, I want to be a part of the solution and not the problem. Or maybe I should rephrase, be a part of change from this system! Also watch a clip about race relations and the notice of black vs. African-American. I think they are interesting perspective on the identity of people of color.  Read the article and tell me what ya think.

http://www.dallasweekly.com/opinion/article_f96fca92-4d84-11e3-9d9e-001a4bcf6878.html#.UoWGr1y3cAc.facebook

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfQ6nAsjb9w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WozprgZeCmo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6ra7_M9LXw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf-arntrLkI

P.s the last clips of awesome black kids metal band!!! And Sadly this show, is being cancel!!! 😦 one of the best late night talk shows and platforms taking off the air for no reason. It was so good!!! I am outraged by this!!! Show support for W. Kamau Bell!!

 

P.P.S: Here is an art exhibition on the topic. Super interesting!

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304644104579194322195031610

 

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30 years of little girls learning dance moves from music videos

Feminism and art. It’s a concept I rarely talk about on this blog. I think it’s time to address this topic. I was a women’s studies minor in college before switching to art history. I enjoyed my classes of Feminist Theory and understanding the Patriarchal Society. I also saw the flaws, like many causes, that plaque the feminist community. We continue to participate in the patriarchy and even model feminism after the patriarchy example. I realized that I was not a feminist. I care about women’s issues, but really I care about human issues. I am as Alice Walker states a “Humanist”. It’s a concept we don’t hear much nor completely grasp.

I love the blog Tall and Curly!!! She provides a much-needed voice for various topics. I hope she explores the topics of bi racial issues (not just in terms of hair) and internal/external acceptance. Girls today have this “weak” mentality and dependence that doesn’t make sense, especially with roles like TLC, Spice Girls, and Janet. It’s like these girls don’t have a strong role model. I recommend reading “When Chicken-heads Come Home to Roost: A Hip-Hop Feminist Breaks it Down” by Joan Morgan. This book was my deciding factor to explore feminism in my college years. This filled the void of what Angela Davis wrote about in “Women, Race, and Class.” This is also an issue in feminism, separation by race and/or class. We forget the larger system of patriarchy, which is far complex than what we imagine.

I have notice the increase sexuality in recent media as Tall and Curly notes and how this influences our girls as well as our boys. We tend to forget that girl empowerment affects boys as well. It affects our boys positively, it also restructures masculinity. Tupac, poet in my time, lay the most powerful quote I have heard in a long time, that real manhood is about love. We constantly battle with the question of misogyny and rape culture, well this is why. We, as people, allow this to be the standard and norm and call it entertainment. We don’t teach respect and love.

I often battle with sexuality, as far as acceptance and appropriateness. I don’t think our society should be completely devoid of sexuality; however, when does this sexuality cross the line. It’s an issues that bell hooks begins to analyze in her book “Art on my mind: Visual Politics,” in the discussion of black women media portrayal, sapphires vs mammies. Interestingly, I was just reading an article about black sexuality. Here is a link to it: http://chronicle.com/article/Whos-Afraid-of-Black/135960/

We as a people, have a long way to go. Once we realized that we are all connected and that we can change and grow we will begin to love each other. I changed my purpose in life to art promotion because art is power and needs to be harnessed for good. But this is just my opinion. Any thoughts?

P.S. Enjoy Tall and Curly! Love this blog!!!

 
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Posted by on November 11, 2013 in Art and..., Black Females, Uncategorized, Writing

 

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