This semester has been a real mess. I have been sick, stressed with work, and moving into a new place. I can’t seemed to shake the stress and the associated depression. But I am still fighting!
So this post is about finding passion. I have somehow, on my journey through life, loss my passion. I realized this sombering fact after interviewing a former classmates who is a very prominent contemporary artist, for a class assignment. Of the many awesome things we discuss, the one thing that hit my core was the sense of “freedom” he got from making art. I completely understood what he meant by that feeling. It is a feeling I have been searching for years to get back.
There was a time where I ate, slept, and breathe music; I loved music so so much. It filled me when I felt empty, alone, and unloved. It still has an effect on me but not like before. It different… Distant. After a series of struggles and life setbacks, I stop creating music, I stop being myself and started to become something else. Fuled by fear and unhappiness, I started to search for safety and security. Thus my ambitions to be a lawyer. The artist in me dimmed a bit and I was empty.
I tired to find anything to fill this void… But I was still empty. Until one day, one sad and awful day, I felt creative. I need to create. It was the day the verdict for Trayvon Martin tragedy. I was so upset, I was so angry, and in so much pain. I took out my guitar and for the first time in years poor out that emotion into a song… After it was complete I was whole; I was free. I felt better, I felt like I could breathe…. Then I was terrified.
I remember thinking why I am I afraid? Why can’t I just be in the moment? I realized that I have grown comfortable with my discontent. It is still a struggle, thus this post. I love art and music. I love to create and learn.
These past two months have been rough; however, I learned a lot. I need to take control of my life and follow my passion. I need to become fearless again and stop worrying about falling and just do it. Like the Nike commercial just do it. So I will finish out my 20s with some passion, growth, and strength!
This is just the beginning…. Seek your passion!