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And the struggle still continues…

09 May

This has been a very difficult semester. It has been a combination of a lot of things… Some procrastination and excuses included. I am just struggling to stay focused and energized. Hopefully, I can get this accounting perquisites out the way this summer but I am thinking about taking it in the fall. I feel like I need a break and my fall is super busy… Three classes…. In grad life that hard, in my fulltime and part-time working  life that’s insane!!!! I just need to get it together. I am just in a weird place; where I want to change jobs, where I want to do adult things like buy a house, and where I just want to not struggle internally anymore. I feel like I just want to either quiet this fire in myself or release it and not be afraid of it. I feel like I have so much built up in me that I just want to release it. A former coworker once said to me you should write a book. I often go back and cringe at my response to this notion… “Who would read my story”…. I always do this, self-doubt. It’s one of the things I struggle with along with procrastination. But maybe I will write a book or books about my life and views as an art administrator (in training) of color. I need to proclaim my right to be heard and recognize my own power to inspire change and hope!  One of my guilty pleasure movies that give me a “pick me up” and courage to push through things as well as motivation,  is Legally Blonde… I know, shocking. This movie is ridiculously awesome and hilarious… Yet it inspires me to be and do better.The fact that she has the confidence to say ” I don’t need a back up, I’m going to Harvard ” makes me want to have that confidence and assurance that, yes I am the shit!!! And will accomplish what I want. I love this movie for its feministic views and the promotion of staying true to yourself. However, this film is “interesting”  in the continuing conversation of black feminism and people of color in higher education… But that is another discussion and post. Although I love this movie, I still have issues with it. But like the world everything has its flaws. Just venting and perhaps procrastinating… 🙂

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Posted by on May 9, 2014 in Black Females, Grad School, Writing

 

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